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Pigs
R1 - America - Think!Film Review written by and copyright: James Teitelbaum (7th January 2008). |
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The Film
 When Miles (Jefferson Brown), the class stud at college, brags to his friends about all of the girls he has 'banged', they are all in awe of his emotionally stinted misogynist womanizing prowess. His scheming roommate Cleaver (Darryn Lucio) has noted that Miles has 'poked' girls whose names begin with Q, Z, and K. Coupling this bit of data with other events in Miles' recent history (i.e. 'nailing' a fairly broad array of additional girls), the roommate decides to enlist Miles to 'complete the alphabet'. With only ten more letters (girls) to go, Cleaver conspires to set up a betting pool among the other classmates. If Miles can get laid ten more times before the end of the semester, and exclusively with girls whose names begin with specific letters, then there is a payoff. I am not sure if we're supposed to empathize with Miles or any of his friends, because they're all a pretty pathetic bunch. In addition to super-stud and schemer, we have the token hippie, the token black guy, the token Miles worshiper, and the token shy nerd. The nerd's name is Ben (Christopher Elliott), and he is the conscience of the bunch. Of course Ben falls in love with Gabrielle (Melanie Marden), the prettiest, nicest, most desirable girl in the school, and of course, her surname begins with an X. She also works as a mechanic, and so the implication is that she's extra hot because she can give you sex and fix your car to boot. It goes without saying that Miles is having trouble finishing his unholy quest, and in order to do so he needs to 'shag' Ben's true love, Ms. X. This sets up the central conflict of the movie. Of course we have nerd versus stud, and we have the greedy crowd who have bet on Miles and are all rallying against Ben. In between it all, we have the rest of the cast doing their best to get 'laid'. They have varying degrees of success with a series of women who are as basically worthless as the guys are. All of the girls remain largely clothed during the sex scenes, which is surprising given that the whole reason for this (R-rated) movie to exist is as a tool for guys who can't get laid to live vicariously through Miles, Ben, and their friends. I suppose that the producers thought that they were making some sort of non-exploitative morality play here, and they even squeak in a self-referential commentary on the lack of nudity during the final seconds of the movie. The very idea that someone might take the message aspect of this stinker seriously is ludicrous. The wishy-washy producers were willing to make a movie about shameless and remorseless womanizer who attempts to get laid as much as possible, but they refuse to show boobies because they respect women? Give me a break. The thing that preoccupied me for most of the running time was pondering the various levels of desperation that the actors must have been feeling. No, I don't mean the characters that are a fairly desperate bunch, but the actors themselves. These poor guys must have been as hard up for work as their characters are for sex, or else there is no way they would have sacrificed their dignity to take these roles. Personally, I am impressed that most of them manage to deliver their lines without looking embarrassed. Perhaps the best way to pass the time if you ever find yourself forced to sit through "Pigs" is to put yourself in a collegiate frat boy state of mind, and invent a drinking game. You'll find yourself pretty loaded by the end of the movie if you take a drink every time one of the characters utters an especially vulgar euphemism for some particular sex act. A queasy shaking camera, an underscore that recalls light 1970's funk, and an endless onslaught of up-tempo rock songs keep things lively, but the best that this film has going for it is the somewhat brief running time of 1 hour 24 minute 36 seconds.
Video
The horizontal nature of this film is suitably captured in a 2.35:1 aspect ratio. The print looked a little mushy to me and a hair dark at times.
Audio
"Pigs" is presented in English Dolby Digital 5.1 as well as English Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo. Yes, you too can hear women screaming in ecstasy from five different speakers. The rock music on the score is mixed suitably loud; I found myself bumping the volume down when the songs came on. The production might have benefited from a touch more ADR on some of the scenes for the sake of clarity, but overall there are no complaints (about the sound, anyway). There are no optional subtitles on this disc.
Extras
Think Film has provided an audio commentary, three featurettes, bonus scenes, outtakes, the film's theatrical trailer and some bonus trailers on this disc. Below is a closer look at these supplements. There is a lively if vapid feature-length audio commentary with director Karl DiPelino, producer Chris Ragonetti, and actors Jefferson Brown and Darryn Lucio, in which they try without success to justify this mess. "The Making of Pigs" featurette runs for 2 minutes 15 seconds and is a fast montage of behind-the-scenes footage set to the movie's rock theme song. "Whip 'em Out: Pigs Unrated Audition" featurette runs for 2 minutes 38 seconds in length and features a series of girls in a purple shirt removing that garment (while the theme song plays again), destroying the aforementioned feeble attempt at non-exploitativeness. There are a lot of boobies in this feature, and no faces. Reduced to mammaries, the women who provided the flesh on display are completely anonymous. "Set Etiquette" featurette runs for 3 minutes 48 seconds and is still more outtake footage, this time with actor Seth Zeibarth hamming for the camera the whole time. The scary part is that he is almost as obnoxious in real life as any of the characters in the movie. Six bonus scenes are up next: - "The Next Day" runs for 46 seconds, the lads spy on Gabrielle. - "I Love Me Too" runs for 1 minute 7 seconds, the boys talk in their room, the girls talk in their kitchen. - "All You Neigh Sayers" runs for 1 minute 1 second, Miles addresses the gamblers as he prepares for his 26th date. - "This is Insane" runs for 47 seconds, Miles asks Gabrielle out again after their first date. - "Do You Want To Stay?" runs for 32 seconds, Miles and Gabrielle discuss roommate troubles. - "Trying To Get Her Back" runs for 1 minutes 23 seconds, Miles tries to reconcile with an annoyed Gabrielle, who talks things over with her roommate. Outtakes lasts for 6 minutes 23 seconds and is essentially more of the same material as on the Making Of. The disc also features the original theatrical trailer and runs for 1 minute 41 seconds. Rounding out the extras are some bonus trailers for: - "Bordertown" which runs for 2 minutes 13 seconds. - "In the Shadow of the Moon" which runs for 2 minutes 30 seconds. - "The Wendell Baker Story" which runs for 2 minutes 18 seconds.
Overall
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